It's Beginning to look a lot like CMA Christmas

Welcome, twang-fuelled reader, as this week we talk about the way the Americans like to usher in the Christmas season. Yes, it's the Country Music Association Christmas show!

The CMA is some weird cabal of shadowy, Nashville-based figures who exist solely to further the cause of twangy Telecasters, big hats and rhinestones. They're fortunate in that over here, country music is somehow associated with wholesome, inoffensive, family entertainment. As such, it's traditional to fire the starting pistol for Christmas (and these folks are typically from the South somewhere, so I'm sure there are plenty of pistols on hand to choose from) with a little bit of harmless country music themed family fun.

In fact it's the sheer harmlessness of it which I find quite offensive. We're presented with the crooning talents of Dan and Shay, who have clearly had any sense of edge beaten out of them at country music school. There is literally nothing authentic about Dan and Shay: they are plastic puppets who exist solely to churn out inoffensive tunes with a bit of twang about them. Honestly if I had to listen to this stuff all day, I'd want to invoke the second amendment too.

Perhaps disappointingly, it wasn't all terrible: there was a bluegrass section in the middle where Proper Musician Molly Tuttle got to showcase her talents. It turns out Molly went to school in Palo Alto, so obviously good lineage there, but Molly showed an ability to play more than just cliched twangs and sing like she actually meant it rather than being forced to by ChatGPT. I say disappointing, because I'd really like to have despised every single minute of the show, but unfortunately Molly's segment was quite charming.

It's also been the World Cup of Soccers for the past few weeks, which as you can imagine, is pretty entertaining to watch at various levels over here. The Guardian described Fox's TV coverage as an "unmissable abomination", of which at least the second word is correct. One of the most entertaining parts of the World Cup is the lack of qualified American match commentators, meaning that most of them are from the UK; I had to wonder whether the Fox audience would have any idea what Jacqui Oatley meant when she said she'd put the "mockers" on a team.

Anyway, we'll soon see if England can make the semi-finals, and I'm secretly hoping for an England vs Argentina final. Merry Christmas y'all!